How to Be a Beginner Again Without Letting the Fear Win

Take fourteen.

I'm sitting at my desk in my office, readjusting my shutters and tripod (for the sixth time), trying to say one normal sentence into the camera without my voice doing the scratchy thing.

It did the scratchy thing, Reader.
​Take fifteen.

Here's what I'm not telling the Amazon delivery guy peeking to see who's home: I'm building something brand new — and it's making me feel like it's the first day of school. Sweaty palms. The whole bit. You'd think after years of making things, I'd be past this. I am not past this. New thing, new fear, every single time.

And I've decided that's allowed.

Because here's the lie we all tell ourselves: I'll start once I'm good at it. But nobody gets good first. You get good by being bad at it on purpose, in your office alone, on take fifteen. The blinking red record light is just a blank page that blinks back at you. Same dare. Same flinch. Same way through.

The morning before my first filming day, I didn't lie there marinating in the fear. I opened my journal and wrote it all down — every worst-case, every who do you think you are. And the way it always goes: once the fear was on the page, it got about two sizes smaller. It couldn't fit in my chest anymore. It had somewhere else to live.

Here's the move, if you want it.
Open to a clean page and finish this line, out loud on paper:

Right now I'm a beginner at ______, and that's allowed.

Then keep going. What are you scared will happen if you're bad at it? Write the worst-case all the way out. Nine times out of ten, written down, it stops looking like a monster and starts looking like a Tuesday.

Your one small thing this week: name the thing you're a beginner at. Just name it, on paper. You don't have to be good at it yet. You just have to be honest that you've started.

Then hit reply and tell me: what are you a beginner at right now — the thing you're a little scared to be bad at? I'm collecting these, and I'll be right there in the beginner's seat with you. One line is plenty.

Deep breaths. Just write.

Krystal

P.S. The thing I'm filming in my office? It's a YouTube channel, all about journaling, coming soon. I am having more fun making it than anything I've done in ages, bad takes and all. I'll tell you the second it's live. Subscribe here if YouTube is your thing...it'll be worth it.